I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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