my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
