I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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