Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
