I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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