I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
