But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
