just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
vagina is talking i cant
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
