I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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