I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize