Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
