Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
