God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
