Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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