I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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