I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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