I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
