I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize