Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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