He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
