I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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