God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
