thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
