3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
