He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bring me that man meat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
