I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
