turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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