Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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