Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
