where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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