I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize