so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize