You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
