Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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