I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
