she woke up with a sticky ear
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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