Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize