Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
