The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
