he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
