do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
