There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
