They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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