Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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