Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
