So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
