I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
