Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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