hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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