If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
