I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
