That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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