and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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