Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
