Apparently you make a good broom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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