long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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