my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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