i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
