Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
