my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
