you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
