That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
