A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
