NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
