Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
