she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
