We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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