You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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