I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry about my life...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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