happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
