one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
