Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize