In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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