I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
