My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
