you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
