Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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