i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
