wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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