It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize