I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
